“And yet, – it is rather curious, you know – this sort of life!” (Alice in Wonderland)
This sort of life is different. For me, at least. First, I’m divorced. And I like it. For most of my life, I had thought that getting a divorce would be the worst thing that could ever happen. I am sure it makes a difference that it was my choice, and any feelings of love and attachment that I had ever had for my exhusband were steadily eroded over the ten and a half years that we were together.
Beyond that, I have suddenly realized that I am seeing my life from my own perspective. Instead of seeing mere reflections of me as someone else (or everyone else) sees me, I am looking out at the world. Sometimes it is scary and I feel a little lost. For the most part, it is awesome. Here I am not anyone’s victim, worrying constantly about making ExMan angry. When occasionally I start to worry, I remind myself, you know what? If he gets angry he can get over it. Or, as one friend used to say in high school, “are you mad? are you? then scratch ass and get glad!” It never made a lot of sense but it did make me smile.
In this sort of life, I hope to share the strength I have garnered and the experience that brought me here. My marriage had, from the beginning, emotional and sexual abuse that grew exponentially worse as the ExMan developed complications from diabetes and dependency on pain meds. It was necessary for me to start a new blog here that allows me to be somewhat anonymous. I don’t mind if you know who I am, but my exhusband would occasionally read what I had to say, and however neutral and respectful I tried to be, it became a problem.
Here, I can tell the truth. I hope that in some way, it helps someone else as much as I know it will help me. It has been an incredible, sometimes horrific journey. But this sort of life, well, it is rather curious. I can’t wait to see where it goes from here.
Rather Curious 